Friday, December 9, 2011

Mayo Clinic Jacksonville

Good morning children,

I've done my inpatient time at Mayo, and let me tell you first it is an entirely different level of care patient oriented and comfortable.
Room Service you don't order your meals with a stubby mini-golf pencil on a card with one or two options you have a full menu with great and worldly selections. There are Perkins all over the world right.
Well anyway after two days of sleep deprivation and food restriction (only allowed 2 meals), together we pulled multiple nasty syncopes out of me which showed nothing on the EEG.
My Neuro case managing Doc Dr. Shih sent my files over to the Neuro Oncology guys who found some lesions on my brain.
I am going back on the 12th, 13th, and 20th for more autonomic testing and Doc chats.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Sir Ladle duLaq

A brave knight defending his family and aiding the helpless once carried a shining silver ladle of peace. With his mighty ladle he protected the land and all its inhabitants. He protected the children of the land from bullies and their own bad decisions with the aid of his mighty bat and glove. The knight protected his family and friends with his steely will, never ending strength and superior wit and wisdom coming to their aid in their times of need. He protected the world with acts of kindness and strength asking nothing in return.

Now the knight has been dishonored stripped of his ladle and left with naught but an ever decreasing handful of plastic spoons and the occasional spork (for jabbing at stuff). With his world left undefended and his manhood and lust for life gone the once mighty knight has struck out upon his trusty malamute Chewie to right the wronged and help the helpless, that is as long as he has a spoon left, otherwise he is bedridden and napping.

To be continued.....

Monday, October 24, 2011

Disability Denial Letter

The following is the letter I wrote to Mutual of Omaha as a appeal against their decision to deny me Long Term Disability benefits.
Please use or comment on it anyway you see fit.

Vincent Colucci

Ormond Beach, FL 32174

October 21, 2011

Group Insurance Claims Management

United of Omaha life Insurance Company

Mutual of Omaha Plaza

Omaha, NE 68175

Appeal against denial of Long Term Disability benefits

Dear Xxxxxxx

My name is Vince Colucci, and I am writing this letter to respond to the denial letter of disability benefits that I received on July 13th 2011. My Social Security number is xxx-xxx-xxxx and long-term disability policy number is .xxxx-XXXX.

I am no longer represented by council as they have told me it would be irresponsible for them to handle my case seeing as my payment from your Company would be so small that their cost and fees would be such that after reductions due to SSI payments there would be very little left.

Please allow me to refresh your memory as to my case. On February 4th of this year I reported to work and soon after clocking in began to hear the sound of a nonexistent music box, I blacked out and lost control of my arms and posture. When I came to I felt an incredibly painful tingling as though I had been struck on the funny bone over my entire body. When I was able to come to fully and be aware of my surroundings I had thrown my phone and papers I had been holding across the room. I was incredibly frightened and went to the emergency room. There I was told it was a syncopal event and we all have them from time to time.

Upon returning to work on the 7th I worked my normal day and felt tired but relatively normal, I had a lot to catch up with purging claims files 180+ bankers boxes and fulfilling my duties as to retrieving radiology charts for the facilities on my way back from our Daytona Beach facility to our Holly Hill facility I felt strange and a strong need to cough worried I pulled over to a turn lane and put my work van in park. At that time I coughed lightly a few times and began to tingle all over, then blacked out. When I came to I felt my right hand uncontrollably slapping at the passenger seat and very weak and disoriented. I called for some reason the Member Services Dept. of FHCP and told them what was going on also that I thought I could drive the quarter mile back in. Before I could get very far I approached a red light at which I blacked out again coming to very tingly and with a dull muscle pain all over my body.

Stupidly I continued driving and returned to the facility a very lucky man. I then called my supervisor and asked her to contact my wife and have her meet me in the parking lot to take me to the ER. I was admitted to the hospital several tests were run and I was released.

Since this time both my Primary Care Physician Dr. Wesley Driggers and my Neurologist Dr. Mary June Derbenwick have stated that I can no longer drive, or return to work and that I should observe seizure precautions.

It has now been over eight months since I have been allowed to work at a job that I loved and was good at. I am no longer able to do the things I once enjoyed, walking my dogs, bike rides, cooking meals, or even taking walks by myself. I am now under increased care of Psych doctors as the depression and anxiety of no longer being a competent and confident adult has become too much for me to bear.

I continue to have as many as 4-6 syncopal events a day and in the interim feel weak and bone tired as though my entire body has been overused and abused. I spend much of my time in a neurological fog and feel lost and confused. I can no longer take an active roll in raising my two sons and feel as though I have in a way abandoned them physically.

The mounting stresses of the great financial loss my lack of salary has placed on our family have caused great problems in my marriage and we are very close to foreclosure on our home and having trouble meeting general obligations.

The Doctors still have no answers for me and my condition is worsening starting to effect my digestive system due to peripheral neuropathy and making me less capable of living a normal life much less working. I have requested and been granted a referral to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville FL at the end of October and hope in vain for some answers then.

I beg of you to please reconsider my claim as the loss of income has disrupted my life and that of my family and may cause us to lose our home. My disability has become increasingly taxing both physically and mentally and I hope you can understand the situation I am facing as well as the situation of my family. The Long Term Disability Plan that I had held for many years can come to my families rescue in this our time of need.

I once again appeal to you to consider my request on any grounds you deem appropriate and please let me know if you need any further documentation from me or my many physicians.

Thank you for your time I am looking forward to a favorable response and working with you in the future to satisfy whatever questions or documentation you may require.

Yours Truly,

Vincent Colucci

Transcribed by Diana Colucci

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

First New Word Vomit

Here is the first word vomit of my newest writing venture

Ghost Story

Amelia sat quietly listening to the cicadas and watching the young cardinals, still the color of old cardboard hopping from green heavy branch to the freshly mowed carpet of her grandmother’s lawn. The thick willow leaves at the edge of the lily coated pond rustled lightly in the late summer wind reminding Amelia that school and all the problems that came with it was just a few short weeks away.
Moving to a new school was always hard and the change to high school would be even harder. Pushing up on her palms Amelia lifted herself from the cool concrete bench where she liked to sit in the early mornings while leaning her thin back against the dewy morning's warming glass of Gram’s Greenhouse.
Cripping across the yard to the call of Gram’s, “Amy dear come in and eat something before we leave.” Amelia paused for a second as the feeling of being watched crawled up her spine like a humming bird flitting about a row of honeysuckles.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Port Chuck, Tea Parties, and Barbecue

Being a huge fan of the Soap Opera General Hospital (I named my sons Luke and Spencer) I of course had to get Diana and I tickets to see the band Port Chuck, made up of four guys from the GH, at Universal Orlando. Slowly but surely this as all things became a Colucci Family + Caravan of hilarity as First my oldest sister and mother then my "brother" John joined in which is great because then John can drive.

The best thing about John driving is watching my mother trying to climb into his bigger than big truck, this would be easier with a stool but is funnier with me lifting her up like lifting my malamute Chewie up onto the our bed while commenting about how big my boner is. You see mom is a youthful 70 something, I don't always know my age without doing the math so don't expect me to know anyone else's. Anyway digress is my middle name, well really its Raymond which was my dad's name but he is dead so I guess its not his name anymore. Damn back on track!

OK, back on track, as we near Orlando we decide to get dinner at a great BBQ place that serves 3lb buckets of meat at a destination called Rt 42 or 46 or something like that. As we pull up we see 40,000 cars in the parking lot, well maybe 200 and signs that a Tea Party Event was in full swing. I know, I love tea too in fact a good cup of double strong Earl Grey sounded perfect right then. pulling into the parking lot we asked one of the guys in the golf carts if he thought the restaurant was busy. Woot no, so park we did. Time was running short but Herman Cain was in attendance and I am a huge fan, I mean this guy ran Burger Kings and Godfather's Pizza as well as the National Restaurant Assoc. and one of the branches of the Federal Reserve, a guy I can believe in and who knows something about the backbone of this country, SMALL BUSINESS. Anywho, Carol (sis) got to shake his hand, she butted in while they were trying to set up his interview for local TV, she is that way. I didn't get to shake his hand but got to cheer, mostly by myself during his interview in a hope he would hear me and sweep me up in his campaign bus and drag me across the country to cheer behind him during interviews. I could be good at that. Well since I didn't get a handshake I licked the handshake of Carol's hand and haven't washed my tongue since. Dinner becomes less important so I won't mention it except to say the 5 of us shared two buckets of BBQ which was awesome.

On to Universal, I probably should have brought a wheelchair that was way too much for me and I payed for it for 5 days in bed with the worst syncope event yet lasting over 5 minutes. The concert was great and Carol acted like she was watching the Beatles in 1963 screaming and crying while I went from crowd to sitting on a stoop so I could black out in peace, then I would get up and go back to the group and be part of the fun.

I want to thank Steve (Jason Morgan) Burton for his wishing Carol Happy Birthday in response to my tweet. Carol turned 50 and in no way looks anywhere near it.

After....... feeling too "drunk" to go any further so maybe soon I will tell more about this night.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

An Open Letter to Family and Friends Warning Angry Rant.

Hello hope all is well most of you,

I am sick I have an invisible illness that affects me everyday and has completely destroyed my life and taken away most of the things I love.  I don't care anymore if you understand or not if you are too cruel to even try that is your problem not mine and I don't need you in my life. In truth there are some of you mostly one evil vicious family member that I care so little about just as she cares so little about others, that I couldn't care if she lived or died. There is another who has access to medical records who needs to keep her nose out of other peoples business or I will start naming names and go to the authorities remember I was a records person myself and know the rules and will have you and your drug using husband's ass on the street and childless.

Anyway here is how most of my days go I can barely do anything I am no longer allowed to work or drive not even allowed to take walks unchaperoned,  I am treated like a six year old.  If  I was to, wash dishes, or vacuum one room, or sweep I am done for the day.
Daily and multiply I have syncopes so debilitating that I not only black out but when I come to I feel as though I have hit my funny bone all over my body, this goes on for more than a minute and is very painful after that I can barely move for up to twenty minutes and am terribly weak.
Most of my day is spent waiting for episodes, especially if I have done anything that day and lost in a neuro fog that keeps me from really doing much of anything, reading, doing things on the computer etc.  That is why I only get on at certain times about an hour or two after a very bad episode I feel clear and capable for a short period of time.

Anyway how is that for a rant you barren bitch I hope you die in a fiery car accident along with your Eurotrash Husband Fuck you!!!!!!!!!

Much love to the rest of you,


Friday, July 15, 2011

Uncontrollable Crying and Oh What The Hell I don't Know

*any italicized comments should always be taken as though they were said by Craig Ferguson*

Good morning class today we will talk about the evolution of the gelatinous tree fungi of Southeast Asia, or to put it more precisely yesterday was great until it sucked!

Anywho Yesterday started out great was having a fun day playing on Twitter, Twitter has the best Angry Birds, and everything was going great.  I even called my mom and chatted.  I know, it's like I was drugged and dragged off and replaced with myself from ten years ago.   That was when everything changed!  On Tuesday for no good reason I went to see a pulmonologist one of my favorite doctors ever Dr. Wahba Wahba.  Being a Pulmonoligist he treated my syncope like a pulmonologist would.  Stating you only cough for two reasons (what the fuck?), he prescribed me something for heartburn which I don't have and THE DEVIL Advair.  An inhaler that looks like you are sucking on a pack of birth control pills really gave me a great feeling of security as to its efficacy. I had had two bad days already on the pill and was feeling the effects of a steroid while feeling as though this was not helping my breathing at all, yet I sucked on.
Suck on young man go into this brave new world sucking on a lavender disk and bravely fight the servants of evil.

I worked out a little in the morning had a nice healthy salad and settled in to watch the rest of ROOTS with the Commentary on.  Slowly I could start feeling it happen I began to get hot and started to feel the dizzies coming on. WHAM! small cough and out I went full blown syncope came to feeling the worst ever, shaking, that dead feeling all over, and the feeling as though I had hit my funny bone over my entire body.  Not only was this the worst post syncope ever it lasted the longest.

Silly me I thought this would be a good time to call my doctor and report this new found hell to him.  That's when I start crying and I don't mean a tear of sadness and woe swept down my cheek to come to rest below my nose as though Bambi's mother had just died, this was full on what the fuck they cancelled Sports Night Crying.  I mean uncontrollable unconcievable mind numbimg sobbing, and the best part I didn't fell any reason to cry.  It was like a switch was flipped that is when the nurse got on the phone, "calm down and got to the ER".  Yay an ER visit.  I called Diana still sobbing and told her to get home and take me to the ER.   Off we went as my eye and mouth started feeling droopy on the left side and my speech started sounding funny and my left side began to quake like a california bowl of Jell-o.

By the time we pulled up to the ER I had started to feel a bit better but still felt weak on the left side walked in and said I think I had a stroke.  That is when they push a clipboard and pen at you and say, "fill this out, while shoving the leg rests of a wheelchair at your calve muscles without warning and order you to, "sit down".   Now it's abouut 45 minutes of waiting followed by taking my name symptoms insurance proof blah blah blah blah.  Back out into the waiting area I go to sit amongst the half bind drunk hobo and the Krumps with their new baby Foghorn Sirencall Washington wailing like a sheepdog in a testicle screw. Yay, I hear my name and get shoved down the hall in the wheelchair that definately is in need of a throwing out, and brought into an exam room.  Treat time Nurse I Spilled a Jug of Urine Allover Myself in the First Five Minutes of My Shift and Everyone Shall Hear Of It, (long name she must be Swahili they are white right?) came into the room and starts hooking my up to IVs, BP cuff, finger dolphin pulse oxi thingee, and sticky ekg leads. Yay more glue the patchy chest hair had finally grown back.  Doctor Mohammed walks in yells at me for not having my story straight, sorry I am a little confused isn't this Sizzler where's my freekin' steak. and after finally being annoyed by me enough wanders off mumbling something about coffee.  Four hours and one CT scan later he comes back mutters something about my CT looking the same as the last one and wanders out.  OK now what wait around until I die or find a nurse to pee on.  I chose wait and in comes the billing chick while I am still hooked up to shit,  "your co-pay is 75 dollars and how will you be paying for that today?" Diana pipes up all perky, "bill us!", and off Billy the Kid goes.

I should know better when you are an unexplained syncope sufferer everyone likes to treat you like you are in the way and crazy, and every doctor has the same story,  "I know what your problem is, I saw it once in a patient when I was studying to be a doctor/plumber/lumberjack in Tikreet/Mumbai/Garden City, just take this, antacid/decongestant/Phillipino black market birth control pill, and it will go away."  Uh, no thanks doc I think you're wrong and that is not the problem.  They just love hearing things like that and a little added it's above your paygrade makes them wander of stuttering in tongues.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Right thing to do?

There I was being a Social Libertarian yet a financial conservative, 15 years ago I took out long term disability insurance in case something happened, so as not to be a drain on society and the tax payer. Lo and behold, the insurance company Will force me to apply for SSI Disability and take the check to refill their coffers, isn't that lovely.

Anyway, as it turns out the insurance company does not agree that my passing out daily and being in a continued state of confusion and dizziness constitutes disability. Three doctors opinions stating this man cannot work are not enough for them so to the Lawyers I went. I had scheduled a meeting with a well known and very competent law firm (that is now suing Casey Anthony) for the day after I expected an answer from the insurance company. Needless to say they were unreachable that day and called on the morning of the meeting with my lawyer. That call did not go very well and amazingly I didn't call the girl on the other end anything which would compare her to sensitive parts of her body as I am want to do.

So on t the meeting with the lawyer which of course means more waiting atleast I had another life insurance policy to trade in so I can pay my bills. anywho YAY for me I shall go pass out now. I feel a real doozie coming on as I was active the last couple of days.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


So, went See my Personal Doctor yesterday he seems much more frustrated than I am, well I get to live with it. He really seemed to love the fact that the neurologist and the seizure specialist just wrote me off and washed their hands of me.
When you have an undiagnosed syncope issue (passing out) you get used to that kind of treatment. You go to the ER scared to death and they say ah it's just syncope and send you on your merry way. Well five months later with no work, driving, or any activity in which you can possibly hurt yourself and daily blackouts that feel like you are dying I guess you just get used to living with it.

Talking about living the 4th of July weekend is coming up and I used to be a pyrotechnician and special effects guy so needless to say depression will set in in the next week and I won't be very fun to be around. Smelling like hell and being covered in black powder grease and small burns was the best feeling I have ever had. even worse now that I have my arms fixed and can swing a hammer and such I can't work because of the freekin' syncope. NO BLACKING OUT ON THE FIRING LINE! oh well Maybe I'll sit in the house and comfort the dogs if any pyro is shot, in this years drought, at all.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Here's the Story......

I love my job, I was told I was born to do it. I got to lift heavy things which is good because I am "strong like ox" and got to do a lot of filing and had complete control over my days and what I did.

All that ended shortly after 8am on February 2 of 2011. I sat down in my office and checked in to work on my computer, when I began to hear a music box playing louder and louder I got confused, there was no music box. I felt my body stiffen my vision go and had no control as I threw my phone across the room. Coming to I began to tingle all over and became scared shitless. I have done a lot of scary dangerous things in my life and never felt like this before. I've clung to rocks at the end of a jetty while 15 foot waves crashed over head, been a pyrotechnician, got in bar fights for fun and jumped from moving cars. Nothing felt like what I was going through this morning. I think I called my wonderful boss Laura first and told her I needed to go to the ER and then called Diana my brilliant wife.

See here is where it all goes downhill I described what happened to the nurse, D,r whatever in the exam room and they all just looked exasperated like I was wasting their time and resources. They told me I had a syncope episode slapped me on the but and sent me on my way.

I went back to work a few days later and while driving to one of the facilities felt an attack coming on luckily I could pull over and get in the turn lane this time I completely blacked out and woke up with my right arm slamming into the passenger seat over and over uncontrollably.

Needless to say I have been out of work now for 4 months can't drive am not able to ride my bike or really even take walks as I can pass out and hurt myself.
I have sometimes as many a 6-7 episodes a day and if I go a few days without having an episode I become a monster and you better stay the fuck away from me.

This is just the newest problem though I have suffered since around 3rd grade with General Anxiety Disorder GAD best described as having that feeling you get when a cop turns on his lights and siren behind you and your stomach drops to your ass for no particular reason.

Panic attacks were a considerable part of my life and ruined my ability to be a good student and destroyed much of my life as a person. With GAD often comes Agoraphobia and I didn't like people anyway so I guess that was OK.

Parents and schools didn't understand this and just let me suffer, you are smarter than this we know you can do it BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH.

Well anyway the panic attacks are few and far between but much worse when they do happen thanks to medication.

My parents got a divorce after somewhere around 50 years or so, who knows if they were ever even married and I got my dad who was a bilateral amputee due to diabetes. Of course he had cheated on my mom the whole time they were married and pretty much lied about everything. We found out way more than we should have about him after he died.

I went in to wake him up one morning after he had lived with us for 4 years or so and he was dead, I will never forget the contorted face that greeted me when we turned him over.

I thought I was doing fine then it all started; go to work come home take 2-3 Valium swallowed down with three fingers of scotch and pass out until I had to work again, rinse, and repeat. After months of this I was done I could not see going any further so I tried to have myself committed, they wouldn't take me (there ego take that) so home I went and took a few weeks off of work with the promise of seeing my doctor and a Psych eval. with enough meds and counselling I came through that mess and got better.

Somewhere through these times after, before, during, I had some surgeries to fix my nearly useless arms bi-lateral ulnar nerve entrapment releases and carpal tunnel releases.
Nobody seems to understand the whole I have no idea of time over the past few years and could not tell you when things happened.

My childhood was filled with pain as well I suffered from Severs(sp) Disease and spent time on crutches and could do nothing but walk flat footed from 4th grade through high school. My wonderful mother of course doesn't remember any of this being preoccupied with my alcoholic little sister (who I am not to call a slut). Mom likes to say she never gave up on M. what she doesn't realize is she forgot the rest of us. There is a long period of time where I don't have any memory of my family at all and there are few if any pictures of me from this time and I mean years.

Well after dozens of tests and seeing multiple Dr.s I am no closer to a diagnosis, 3 percent of ER visits present with Syncope issues every year and of that over 30 percent have recurrent issues, now I don't feel like looking this up so don't quote my numbers but they are close. and of that 30 percent some never find out what is wrong with them.

I still can have multiple events a day and never go for more than 2 days without having one.

I don't have much left to me I can't drive I can't work, all the things that I enjoyed and defined who I was are gone. Still though I am Father Husband and Friend so reach out if you need a hand I will be there just try to catch me when I fall.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Big Joe

Big Joe wasn't really big, not plump and not really tall, but he was bigger than Little Joe. Little Joe is Big Joe's dad, he's almost midget short and built like a stick pin. This morning Big Joe is out looking for work, any work he'll cook, he'll clean, he'll even lug scrap on his back, anything to help Little Joe pay the bills. At sixteen Big Joe gave up looking for jobs in the usual way, see no one was hiring so he just started ringing doorbells looking for odd jobs.

Big Joe has had a terrible morning he'd been yelled at, cursed, thrown, off properties, and chased by a very angry young shepherd who had barely enough work left for himself.
At the last house Big Joe had approached he was greeted by a sweet old lady who sicked her fat old chihuahua on him luckily Big Joe was a fast runner.

Being the end of the day Big Joe wasn't very eager to try another house, until he came upon a very pretty young mommy type washing her minivan in nothing more than a bikini top and the shortest of shorts. Big Joe was very shy being raised as he was, by Little Joe who had only kissed one girl in his entire life, his wife Medium Kathy. Still Big Joe girded what little loins he had and walked up to the lady and asked if she could use some help hoping for a little money afterwards.
The lady stopped sudsing the van and asked Big Joe if he could reach the top of the van and get that clean. He replied, "sure mam I am sure I could reach up there", then grabbed a sponge.

When they had finished and the minivan was all hosed off the lady invited Big Joe into her house telling him she was sure he was thirsty and that, "I have something for you inside."
Big Joe finished cleaning up the towels and sponges and put the buckets up by the house, then followed the lady inside. Once inside he found the lady with a glass of lemonade in one hand and without a lick of clothes on. This made Big Joe very angry for he had worked hard and seeing she had no pockets, knew for sure she had no money for him so he yelled, "thanks for nothing lady!" and ran out the door and all the way home.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

LGBTS Community Values

My greatest wish is for the LGBT and straight community to combine under the mutually supportive banner of the LGBTS community.

As a straight man who has always been close to the LGBT community I have lent support and advice to young men and woman struggling with their sexuality. I feel it is important for these young people to understand that there are a great number of us out here who are willing to lend a hand and reach out in friendship.

I grew up very close to gay friends. I have taught my children the importance of tolerance and love without thought to others differences while still celebrating the fact that we are all different.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

SouthPark TMI and thye Talk

I like to think of myself as a pretty darn good father I am involved, understanding, and tolerant if not patient. Maybe just maybe Southpark wasn't the best tool to use to give the talk to my ten year old but oh well.

The episode is called TMI and the kids mistake a chart on their growth in height for the last year for a chart on their penis size. So Sir Eric Cartman takes it upon himself to remeasure every boy in class, this of course sets the adults of this small yet socially important community on the offensive.

Just an Aside but one of the main reasons I grew my pirate beard is so I no longer resemble either the Pringles guy nor every adult male on Southpark.

Anywho, I was watching the show with my ten year old which i feel fine since we can discuss what is going on, when one of the fathers comes in front of the kids class to teach the kids about measurement,including a chart and talk about penis length. A little girl in the fourth grade class questions, "What's a penis?" and he answers a man puts his penis in a women's vagina SCREEEEEEEE!
the Earth stops turning on its axis all sound retreats into a black hole of ten year old curiosity.

With not a frightened,and not quite a grossed out but more of a concerned and devastated look Spencer my ten year old said, "that's where you put it?!" I guess penii are so important and ten year olds are so penis-centric that he couldn't possibly think it would be used in such a cootie filled way. Anyway I said, " I don't know ask your mom.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Moving on

I have moved on to twitter and realized I have a blog here so I should use it.

I am going to try to tell this damn story, however I cannot see how to possibly relate how freekin' funny it was.

Yesterday Lucas my 14 yr old son and I were watching television and playing with our one year old boxer/lab mix when I decided he needed a bit of a mani-pedi. The dog not Lucas. So I grabbed the clippers and started massaging his paws and clipping at mine in order to make Max more comfortable. We have had an issue with this little guy he doesn't like clippers and turns quickly from Mogwy to Gremlin when the clippers come out. I valiantly and if I must say very ninja like snuck in and got one claw clipped without him noticing, this earned me one of those angry sideways doggie looks that let's you know you are to stop what you are doing immediately. So I strove on never one to take direction especially from a 45 pound dog. "Luke lay on Max and hold his head so I can get his claws." I said innocently enough thinking my strong little man would be able to handle the situation.
WRONG Lucas straddles max covering the dog with his entire body and grabs his head so I could get to his claws I take the clippers and approach Max's front passenger side paw and begin to clip. In a flash and I mean faster than a flash and even faster than that. Max slips out from under Lucas leaving him face down on the bed and takes a seat up on his ass like an Egyptian Pharoah. I mean this dog made that boy his bitch it was all over no clipping just father and son sputtering and choking with tears running down their eyes as they laughed. I know I blacked out twice from the laughter and can barely hold it back now. The look on that little dogs face of complete dominance and pride could send armies into retreat and scare carnival clowns into giving up their identities as child molesters.